I have a melody without words playing constantly in my heart. I have words without sound swirling endlessly in my head. Unfortunately, I'm unable to connect the two. It's an awful feeling harboring your music with no way of expressing it - try as I might to simply write out what I feel. Apparently things aren't that easy.
Speaking of things not being easy...
It turns out that life is hard. Who would have thought? Just when I think I've got everything all figured out, someone throws me a curve ball, and I'm back to being the same naive little girl I was at 10 years old.
I like him, I do. But then there's that other guy. He's been there forever it seems. I fell for him once before, and I'm not really sure why nothing happened. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I've had these underlying feelings for him all along. I just refused to let myself feel them. He was out-of-bounds, and now I have no idea why.
Where am I going? Am I going? I know for sure that I'm not going back to BYU-I. I can't. It would be too much of a pain to dig myself out of the hole I fell into, and I can't live my life normally with him always there. While I'm completely over him, I don't know how well I would do if I were to see him from time to time with whoever, doing whatever. I think there would still be a dull ache, and I don't want to have to deal with that. Maybe it comes across as being cowardly or immature, but I'm really just trying to move past all of it, and if simply removing myself from the situation altogether is the best plan of action, so be it.
I'm not even tired. Too many thoughts. Good grief.. what's happening to me?
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